2024-03-31 Journal Entry

Created: April 1, 2024 11:36 AM Tags: Daily

I’m still so jetlagged.

The biggest thing I’ve noticed now that I’m back is just how quickly my ambitions shifted. Everything that happened on my trip — the revelations about work, the openness towards new experiences I was feeling — seemed to evaporate being back home. I’m very ready to be in my new house, which I think is part of all of this. But really it just feels like the lives that go on here are not the ones I really care about. Not that I don’t care about the people, that’s absolutely not it, but when I hear what people were up to the last few weeks, it’s like work, food, yeah that’s about it or something. (That’s an incredibly unfair characterization, but that’s how it is.)

But also my reaction to so much of this wasn’t dejected acceptance — the norm — but rather was a sort of irate drive to find my way out. I felt back into that strong desire to write, and also to that strong desire for the writer’s lifestyle. I’ll be continuing my daily writing work that I’ve been doing as part of my daily goals and continue to see how it goes. So far it’s not that I feel like what I have is amazing, but it’s now almost a fully-fledged scene of a few pages. I’m so curious to know where the story will go, and I’m feeling that growing sense inside of me that some people describe, that sort of creative knowing where things just come out of you and onto the page. I don’t always like what comes out on the page, but now I’m just writing for me. I’m not trying to scurry on ahead to something else, I’m not “draining the faucet” until something better comes. I’m just writing and writing and writing on.