2023-06-21 Journal Entry

🍃 Season: 🌞 Summer 🔆 Weekday: Wednesday 🗓 Date: June 21, 2023 📅 Week: Jun 19 – Jun 25, 2023

I’m a little surprised nowadays just how little I’m inclined towards being productive at work. I mean, this journal is case-in-point in a way — it’s 10am and while I’ve spent much of my morning doing random things, I’m mostly just farting around and doing random stuff. I’m starting to be more inclined towards this tiny little device, my words and keyboards being more fun than writing code, and I think that’s the way it should be. I want to shrug off my inclination to just do dumb work in the morning. By “dumb work” I mean my day job, mostly.

I want to spend more time actually doing this. I even noticed when I looked down here that it suddenly felt more real, more alive. The other day, I noticed a subtle shift in my perception when I started thinking of the act of perception as the act of creation, that things unfold because we see and notice them. That’s how I feel now — I notice how these words fold out onto the page, how the worlds I inhabit in my brain are being seen and start to become real. The confusion and anguish and joy of their little worlds. Even as I’m typing all of this, it makes me want to go write some more. I want to know how they figure things out, how they bump up against each other and what they learn from it. Just sitting here writing this is even fun. Fuck fixing rubocop rules or dependencies, I want to create a universe.

Perhaps I’m being power-hungry or something, I don’t know, but it’s more fun to be doing this than other things. It’s funny that I dodge around actually starting the thing, but once I start, I feel unstoppable. Writing is a blast, and I have a feeling I can learn how to improve at it. I think my first blocker was getting the ideas going, figuring out how to wring them out of my brain, but now I have this increasing feeling of curiosity about it. I think I need to make it easier to actually get this screen up and in front of my eyeballs earlier instead of even thinking about the work one.

Anyways, let’s do some writing or something, shall we. :portal-to: Scrivener