2023-06-02 Journal Entry

🍃 Season: 🌷 Spring 🔆 Weekday: Friday 🗓 Date: June 2, 2023 📅 Week: May 29 – Jun 4, 2023

A while back, I lost the thread a bit on what exactly “morning pages” was. I started treating it more like a journal, which isn’t entirely bad but also isn’t entirely the same. The purpose of these pages, in a way, is just to get shit out and on the page. That sometimes means just free associating when I “don’t have anything to say” or nothing comes to mind. The free associating I did yesterday was pretty fun, so I’m just going to keep on typing for a bit until my time is up in 18 minutes.

There’s a guy outside my window with a goddamn leaf blower. I understand why Squidward hated the reef-blower so much in spongebob, that shit is unbearably annoying. I don’t know what exactly it is about it — perhaps just the super annoying frequencies at which it somehow manages to drown out everything else. I also just thought of what I hope Chief Keef has already thought of, something something about leaf-blower, keef-blower, that should end up in a song at some point.

Steven Pressfield it both right in The War of Art and also somewhat annoying. That dichotomy, or rather dual nature (?), is what I’m having to actively reckon with in this whole Heroic Coaching program. I like that it lights a fire under my ass and makes me want to go out and do shit, but it also makes me recognize that I do have a mild disdain for this really hard-ass, pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps type of discussion. Perhaps it’s a symptom of being recovering-low-agency and migrating to the more high-agency part of my life, but I can’t help but feel like it’s a bit of a misnomer to simply say “oh just become really agentic out of the blue.” It is helpful to know why one isn’t currently agentic, but saying “just do more” isn’t really great. Part of me suggests that the Heroic approach is much better — taking agency is a skill, and that skill starts in small ways (the “virtue points”) like exercising and meditating, and then gradually expands to others. That’s also, relatedly, what morning pages are about! But I also see why some people like it, so I’m not totally against it either.

Anyways, I’ve been getting a bit distracted here. The morning Q&A for work starts in five minutes, so I’m kinda biding time here. I’ve had a good morning though, I had some nice moments of just mind-wandering that started forming the bones of a story I’d like to explore. I’ve been afraid of really tackling the stories I want to tell, and I know that my creative DNA (to use the words of Twyla Tharp) touches on these grand views of time and experience. Those are daunting themes to feel drawn to, but every time I think about the stories I’m excited to tell and the stories I feel drawn to, they always come back to those. So I think I’m going to start this fun novel filled with multiple universes, tarot, the meaning of identity, and hopefully some fun potential universes to tickle the brain cells a little bit.